Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health.
Types Of Anger
Chronic Anger - Chronic anger describes an ongoing ‘underlying’ form of anger, often caused by a generalised resentment of life and of other people. Alternatively this can be caused by anger directed at the self. Such prolonged anger is highly unhealthy and puts stress on the immune system and is closely linked to depression and other mood disorders.
Volatile Anger - Volatile anger comes and goes and can be explosive and intense when it does. This is often triggered by a perceived wrong or a personal annoyance and is one of the more dangerous forms of anger leading potentially towards physical or verbal outbursts. Anger management techniques are particularly affective against volatile anger, and those who experience it commonly should learn to identify the signs and symptoms then calm themselves down by concentrating on their breathing or removing themselves from the situation.
Judgemental Anger - This is anger caused by unfavourable judgements made about other individuals or situations and is again a form of resentment or loathing. This can then be expressed as critical, scathing or hurtful comments directed at the source of the anger.
Passive Anger - Passive anger is anger that is either cleverly hidden by the individual that comes out in non-obvious ways. In some cases the individual may even be unaware themselves that they are expressing a repressed form of anger. This can make it one of the most difficult types of anger to control or even identify. Passive anger may be expressed through sarcasm, avoidance or by purposefully performing sub par or arriving late. For example a dissatisfied employee may begin to work less productively as a way to ‘get back’ at their employer, and may even be unaware that they are doing so until confronted.
Overwhelmed Anger - Overwhelmed anger is caused when circumstances become to great for an individual to cope with. This anger is closely related to frustration and is an alternative response to the ‘learned helplessness’ reaction where an individual simply gives up on a situation. Overwhelmed anger can be caused either by a situation - for example having a tight deadline and a lot of important things to do, or by life in general - for example finding a job too demanding or struggling to raise children.
Retaliatory Anger - This is anger that is directed at an individual or organisation in order to ‘get back at them’ for a perceived wrong on their behalf. For example this type of anger might be caused by an insult, or by a company refusing to refund faulty goods. This is another of the most dangerous types of anger and is essentially the motivation for actions of revenge.
Self Inflicted Anger - This is anger that is directed towards the self, annoyance for failing on a task for example or for being generally ‘weak’ or ‘incompetent’ in one’s own eyes. This can then result in self harm either emotionally or physically, or can manifest itself more subtly as an eating disorder, self deprecation, or self sabotage.
Constructive Anger - This is distinct from the other types of anger in that it can actually be a positive thing. Constructive anger describes anger that motivates positive reform or action such as protesting. It’s possible to use this type of anger yourself to get things done and create drive and motivation. For example before going to the gym you may wish to get yourself worked up and then ‘take it out’ on the opposition or the weights. This way your activity becomes a form of catharsis for anger you have purposefully created. Similarly if you feel you have been wronged or suffered an injustice at the hands of an individual or organisation but would normally be too shy or insecure to stand up for yourself, by getting more angry you can use it as a way to overcome that fear (anger can be used to overcome fear in all manner of situations). All our emotions have survival value which is why we evolved to have them in the first place.
10 Tips to Manage your Anger
No. 1: Take a timeout
Counting to 10 isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.
No. 2: Once you're calm, express your anger
As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
No. 3: Get some exercise
Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.
No. 4: Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
No. 5: Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.
No. 6: Stick with 'I' statements
To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."
No. 7: Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
No. 8: Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
No. 9: Practice relaxation skills
When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
No. 10: Know when to seek help
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling. With professional help, you can:
- Learn what anger is
- Identify what triggers your anger
- Recognize signs that you're becoming angry
- Learn to respond to frustration and anger in a controlled, healthy way
- Explore underlying feelings, such as sadness or depression.
